Facets of a Person Versus Identity

I am currently in the process of reading The Four Insights by Alberto Villoldo. It has the normally 50,000 thoughts that run through my head in any single day increased to about 150,000! In the book he talks about why we cling to our stories. Interesting ...... we could spend days and days discussing it until we finally peeled the onion back far enough to get to the real truth. (If we were courageous enough to peel it that far.)

"Our stories give us a false sense of security and purpose" (Alberto Villoldo) In my story, I have been the oldest child, wife, mother, ex-wife and single parent to name a few. My identity was defined by who I was based on what role I was playing. What a sense of security and purpose you have playing the wife role! "I simply must get home to my husband because ................." insert whatever fits your story. "My husband and I are going to ............" - again insert whatever fits your story. So what happens when you get divorced or your children grow up and leave home? What role are we playing then? How do we adapt to the changes? Do we just grasp at another role that seems very familiar and comfortable?

Well, I have to tell you that it wasn't an easy change in role for me from wife to ex-wife/single parent. I believed the stories I was being told from well meaning friends, acquaintances and our society. "You have to be mad at him!" "How could he do that to you and the children?!" "It is too hard to be a single parent!" "What will you do?" "You need to find a man." I not only listened to them and embraced them but I wanted desperately to believe them!! My story was changing from one dramatic tale to another! If I let go of the story then WHO was I? What was my purpose and how scary that is to be "all grown up" and not know exactly where your life is going!?!

When I started figuring out that I was more than just ex-wife, mother and Human Resources Manager; I started to find the real me. All the different facets of me not just an identity or role that I play in my life. It is very confusing for the people in your life when you start moving out of the role they associate with you. They become bewildered because you are sampling and tasting new things to see how they fit into the person you are creating. "Boy, you have really jumped into this Gettysburg and metaphysical stuff lately, haven't you?" Is a recent comment from a friend. No - what I am doing is finding my passions and adding to the facets of me! Not everything I try will become something that I want to be a facet of me. I tried Feng Shui and while it was interesting - it wasn't for me. But since I have tried it - I now KNOW it isn't for me. I also reserve the right to maybe check it out again in a few years to see if it right for me then! Thankfully determining who you really are - all the facets of you doesn't have to be done in a certain time frame!