I am currently in the process of reading The Four Insights by Alberto Villoldo. It has the normally 50,000 thoughts that run through my head in any single day increased to about 150,000! In the book he talks about why we cling to our stories. Interesting ...... we could spend days and days discussing it until we finally peeled the onion back far enough to get to the real truth. (If we were courageous enough to peel it that far.)
"Our stories give us a false sense of security and purpose" (Alberto Villoldo) In my story, I have been the oldest child, wife, mother, ex-wife and single parent to name a few. My identity was defined by who I was based on what role I was playing. What a sense of security and purpose you have playing the wife role! "I simply must get home to my husband because ................." insert whatever fits your story. "My husband and I are going to ............" - again insert whatever fits your story. So what happens when you get divorced or your children grow up and leave home? What role are we playing then? How do we adapt to the changes? Do we just grasp at another role that seems very familiar and comfortable?
Well, I have to tell you that it wasn't an easy change in role for me from wife to ex-wife/single parent. I believed the stories I was being told from well meaning friends, acquaintances and our society. "You have to be mad at him!" "How could he do that to you and the children?!" "It is too hard to be a single parent!" "What will you do?" "You need to find a man." I not only listened to them and embraced them but I wanted desperately to believe them!! My story was changing from one dramatic tale to another! If I let go of the story then WHO was I? What was my purpose and how scary that is to be "all grown up" and not know exactly where your life is going!?!
When I started figuring out that I was more than just ex-wife, mother and Human Resources Manager; I started to find the real me. All the different facets of me not just an identity or role that I play in my life. It is very confusing for the people in your life when you start moving out of the role they associate with you. They become bewildered because you are sampling and tasting new things to see how they fit into the person you are creating. "Boy, you have really jumped into this Gettysburg and metaphysical stuff lately, haven't you?" Is a recent comment from a friend. No - what I am doing is finding my passions and adding to the facets of me! Not everything I try will become something that I want to be a facet of me. I tried Feng Shui and while it was interesting - it wasn't for me. But since I have tried it - I now KNOW it isn't for me. I also reserve the right to maybe check it out again in a few years to see if it right for me then! Thankfully determining who you really are - all the facets of you doesn't have to be done in a certain time frame!
Friday, January 2, 2009
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Farewell 2008 and Welcome 2009!!
I feel like in order to appropriately welcome 2009, we must bid 2008 farewell. The year 2008 brought me many wonderful joys, lessons and gifts. In January 2008, I attended a class led by my friend Deb Estep at the Baladerry Inn. During that class, I met many wonderful new friends to name only a few: AngelHawk, Terry and Hunter, Katzi, Sonya Barclay, the trees and Mother Nature. While all of them have touched my life in special ways - the ones that I am going to focus on now are the trees and Sonya.
During the weekend, Deb had us take a nature walk to have us connect with our Mother and all her wonderous beauty. I set off on the walk not knowing what to expect and fully feeling silly! I was waiting for someone to jump out of the bushes saying "Smile, you are on candid camera!" Well, no such luck even though I had done my hair for the occasion!! But I did have very powerful and life changing experiences during the walk and the rest of the weekend! I met a tree who gifted me with a her beautiful story:
January 12, 2008
I found my spot at the Sach’s Bridge. It is high up past the fence on and in between a fallen tree. You can hear the sound of the water as it is on its journey. It is busily talking as it hurries on its way.
The birds are quietly enjoying their day as they chatter only when it is important. The fresh smell of mint growing along the ground mixes with the earthy smell of the damp tree. The tree has decided that its time for growing is complete as it moves into its next phase.
There are red buds of new growth on the wild rose bush that is the neighbor to my host tree. Interesting how the cycle of life flows so nicely together. The tree is showing me through its ever present patience that although it is finished its growing period it is not done here. Now is the time for different opportunities. There are places to live for wildlife, places for guests to come sit and enjoy and now is the time to give back to Mother Nature by shedding and becoming one with her.
My tree has spent many nights staring at the stars and many days watching the sun. She has born her babies and is now happy to become one with Mother Earth. She will never forget the days she watched but is very thankful for this time to rest and give back. ----The Tree
At the time - I didn't realize the sigificance of the tree, her story or meeting Sonya.
She (Sonya) came into our lives with beauty and grace. She had us all enraptured with her stories, knowledge and wisdom. She helped make sure that we were all a tightly knit group or the red buds of new friendships growing. She has gifted us with many treasured memories from her friendship but it was decided that her time in her physical body was complete and she moved into her next phase of her journey. She is showing me (despite my hardheadedness) through her ever present patience that although she has gone back to spirit form, she is not done here. Now is the time for different opportunities.
Out of my grief of losing (or so I thought) Sonya after only knowing her about a year - I went for another nature walk. This time to help process my pain and loss. While out walking, I was gifted with another story/thought. This time, I believe it came from Sonya.
12/28/08
How do fish grieve? They swim together moving quickly this way and that. Spending most of their lives together in schools. What do they feel when a loved one is taken from them? When we as humans get out of high school or college, we feel we are through with our schooling. But life is one big school, isn't it?! Learning to recognize that we are only 1 of the living things on this plant. We have our friends - the finned, the furred, the winged, plants and our beloved trees. How do they grieve? They lose loved ones, homes, and all the things we do. Maybe if we just listen a little closer to our friends - we can all comfort each other during our times of loss and grief. Maybe that will bring us one more step closer to understanding and peace.
To Sonya Barclay and 2008 - I bid you adieu for now!! You will both be treasured in my heart and memory forever!
To 2009 and all the wonders that await us..............Welcome, my friend, welcome!!!!
During the weekend, Deb had us take a nature walk to have us connect with our Mother and all her wonderous beauty. I set off on the walk not knowing what to expect and fully feeling silly! I was waiting for someone to jump out of the bushes saying "Smile, you are on candid camera!" Well, no such luck even though I had done my hair for the occasion!! But I did have very powerful and life changing experiences during the walk and the rest of the weekend! I met a tree who gifted me with a her beautiful story:
January 12, 2008
I found my spot at the Sach’s Bridge. It is high up past the fence on and in between a fallen tree. You can hear the sound of the water as it is on its journey. It is busily talking as it hurries on its way.
The birds are quietly enjoying their day as they chatter only when it is important. The fresh smell of mint growing along the ground mixes with the earthy smell of the damp tree. The tree has decided that its time for growing is complete as it moves into its next phase.
There are red buds of new growth on the wild rose bush that is the neighbor to my host tree. Interesting how the cycle of life flows so nicely together. The tree is showing me through its ever present patience that although it is finished its growing period it is not done here. Now is the time for different opportunities. There are places to live for wildlife, places for guests to come sit and enjoy and now is the time to give back to Mother Nature by shedding and becoming one with her.
My tree has spent many nights staring at the stars and many days watching the sun. She has born her babies and is now happy to become one with Mother Earth. She will never forget the days she watched but is very thankful for this time to rest and give back. ----The Tree
At the time - I didn't realize the sigificance of the tree, her story or meeting Sonya.
She (Sonya) came into our lives with beauty and grace. She had us all enraptured with her stories, knowledge and wisdom. She helped make sure that we were all a tightly knit group or the red buds of new friendships growing. She has gifted us with many treasured memories from her friendship but it was decided that her time in her physical body was complete and she moved into her next phase of her journey. She is showing me (despite my hardheadedness) through her ever present patience that although she has gone back to spirit form, she is not done here. Now is the time for different opportunities.
Out of my grief of losing (or so I thought) Sonya after only knowing her about a year - I went for another nature walk. This time to help process my pain and loss. While out walking, I was gifted with another story/thought. This time, I believe it came from Sonya.
12/28/08
How do fish grieve? They swim together moving quickly this way and that. Spending most of their lives together in schools. What do they feel when a loved one is taken from them? When we as humans get out of high school or college, we feel we are through with our schooling. But life is one big school, isn't it?! Learning to recognize that we are only 1 of the living things on this plant. We have our friends - the finned, the furred, the winged, plants and our beloved trees. How do they grieve? They lose loved ones, homes, and all the things we do. Maybe if we just listen a little closer to our friends - we can all comfort each other during our times of loss and grief. Maybe that will bring us one more step closer to understanding and peace.
To Sonya Barclay and 2008 - I bid you adieu for now!! You will both be treasured in my heart and memory forever!
To 2009 and all the wonders that await us..............Welcome, my friend, welcome!!!!
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